The Legend of Halloween |
| Gazorn and plats, Forks and plates, Spoons and knives, Tonight's the date. A night of fight. A night of fear. Witches and goblins and ghosts are here. The sky is black. The stars are bright. The moon is full. Tonight's the night. A night of terror. A night of fear. Witches and goblins and ghosts are here. The wind is whistling through the trees. The graveyard's full of he's and she's. The brisk cool air fills the night, with lots and lots of dispelling fright. Tonight's the night. A night of screams, A night of fear, Witches and goblins and ghosts are here. Pumpkins are orange. Bats are black. Ghosts are "white," and that's a fact. Tonight's the night. A night to be scared. A night to fear. Witches and goblins and ghosts are here. Cobwebs in corners. Monsters in attics. Beasts in basements, and they're still at it! Tonight's the night. A night of fright. A night of fear. Witches and goblins and ghosts are here. |  "Put your ear down close to your soul and listen." Anne Sexton   |
 "Long is the way and hard, that up to Hell leads up to light." Milton  | Halloween night is the night of all nights. Scary- and filled with lots of fright. It's darker than dark. Colder than cold. And the last few hours are not to be told. Monsters, beasts, bugs, and gross, goblins, ghouls, witches, ghosts. The story is told that on Halloween night, Many who cannot walk among us and fight. Battling for who lives, Who dies, Who's happy, Who cries. All these things and more take flight on Halloween night; For it is a scary and frightful fright. A lark streams across moonlight. Hark. For it's tonight! A night of ghouls, A night of fear for all the fools. Those that don't listen to this warning, Better beware, for we will see in the morning. Respect the spirit of Halloween or... Your eyes will be gone. Your tongue cut off. Your head bald. Your throat will cough. Your arms numb. You legs weak. Your face blank. Your body bleak. Thus Spake Maek (from another time) Oct. 31, 2020 |
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What to do when...
you don't know what to do anymore.
Thank you voices for your wisdom. I am being quiet now.
Some yogi and yoginis (female and male yoga practitioners) come to an interesting, and utterly terrifying, crossroad of practice and stress. What do you do when yoga doesn’t help you feel grounded anymore, or when the usual amount of yoga that you do doesn’t feel like it helps as much. And why did it change? What happened? Will the magic “come back”?
I’ve dealt with these fears and realizations in my practice. And all the answers are relative to everyone’s own personal experience.
I’ve dealt with these fears and realizations in my practice. And all the answers are relative to everyone’s own personal experience.
ॐॐॐ
But what I can offer is... community, comradery. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else understands is half the battle. Feeling understood and knowing that you can help others understand you is important to the psyche, to our modern nervous systems, to the spirit.
What we don’t expect is that feedback the nervous system/ or spiritual system provides to us, in the moment, can be subtle; and we often avoid it unknowingly. We are so capable of multi-tasking that most of the time we’ve snoozed our inner guidance’s notifications before we realized we had them in the first place. I am guilty of this despite an awareness of it. It takes practice to keep the soul’s song close. It’s just like learning an instrument or a new skill. A whole constellation of awareness feeds every action. And it only comes together after much effort and time. But any effort and every effort is perfect.
Kundalini yoga teaches that any modification is valid. If you find yourself freaking out and unable to do a prone posture because the meditation before made you think about an uncomfortable childhood memory you haven’t revisited in years, then don’t do it! As Dr. Van Der Kolk states, the body keeps the score. And it knows what it can handle and what will be beneficial. If one can learn to listen to the fear, and treat it like a friend, it can be disarmed. Fear can teach us contrast- what we don’t want or what we don’t wish to risk. Every practice might be different. I feel slightly different every time I wake up. Why would yoga be static then? Some days, camel pose is going to be a mind-blowingly wonderful sensation. Some days it might be more of just an intention. And that’s okay.
Thus Spake Maek
Oct. 29, 2020
What we don’t expect is that feedback the nervous system/ or spiritual system provides to us, in the moment, can be subtle; and we often avoid it unknowingly. We are so capable of multi-tasking that most of the time we’ve snoozed our inner guidance’s notifications before we realized we had them in the first place. I am guilty of this despite an awareness of it. It takes practice to keep the soul’s song close. It’s just like learning an instrument or a new skill. A whole constellation of awareness feeds every action. And it only comes together after much effort and time. But any effort and every effort is perfect.
Kundalini yoga teaches that any modification is valid. If you find yourself freaking out and unable to do a prone posture because the meditation before made you think about an uncomfortable childhood memory you haven’t revisited in years, then don’t do it! As Dr. Van Der Kolk states, the body keeps the score. And it knows what it can handle and what will be beneficial. If one can learn to listen to the fear, and treat it like a friend, it can be disarmed. Fear can teach us contrast- what we don’t want or what we don’t wish to risk. Every practice might be different. I feel slightly different every time I wake up. Why would yoga be static then? Some days, camel pose is going to be a mind-blowingly wonderful sensation. Some days it might be more of just an intention. And that’s okay.
Thus Spake Maek
Oct. 29, 2020
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Tool of the trade, and age
Rhythm can help us to relax, release.
One tool that we have at our fingertips, literally, is rhythm. I’m talking about the universal and ancient proclivity inherent within us. Rhythm- repetitive movement/motion/vocalizations is soothing to the nervous system and body. Bilateral physical stimulation in the form of tapping, patting, slapping, light-based and sensory-based biofeedback, as well as other more creative avenues have been utilized and produce measurable effects. And that is just one example of the multiple ways to apply the supporting principles of research that back similar techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
An example of general research.
Announcement~
virtual weekly yoga class!
Starting this Friday, I’ll be hosting a weekly Kundalini yoga class for stress and anxiety management.
Kundalini Yoga for Stress and Anxiety Management with Maek
Fridays @ 9:30am @ BreathinLifeYoga (starting Oct. 30, 2020)
In these classes, I hope to help people integrate their experiences of the COVID-19 pandemic and the uncertainty of future life as we all attempt to adapt our ever-changing understanding of the world around us and the advances taken by many.
In my current experience, yoga is even more vital for grounding amongst the chaos and centering within my own being as connection can be scare and overriding messages can be troubling or unsettling.
In these classes, I hope to help people integrate their experiences of the COVID-19 pandemic and the uncertainty of future life as we all attempt to adapt our ever-changing understanding of the world around us and the advances taken by many.
In my current experience, yoga is even more vital for grounding amongst the chaos and centering within my own being as connection can be scare and overriding messages can be troubling or unsettling.
ૐૐૐ
After working as a shift leader at a residential treatment center for children who came from rough places, where I frequently experienced an extended state of overwhelm, I could barely sit on my mat. I prayed that I could find that rhythm of breath that calmed my nerves, soothed my sympathetic systemic response. By alas. Every time I closed my eyes, my body or mind convinced me that something, anything, was damn near important enough to get up from my mat to go... anywhere. …Most times I had to stop, not really knowing where to head, no knowing how to get what I needed. Some days, all I could do was sit on my mat and sway myself into a sort of stupor. It felt better than not even meeting my mat, not even reaching for that container for awareness. I am filled with boundless thanks for the golden chain* every time I make it through a practice. And yes, even now, as a practitioner of yoga for 13 years, and a teacher for 11, I only “make it through” practice some days. Life can take it out of you. And those days, yoga may only be swaying to the steady rhythm of your heart. And that’s okay. That’s beautiful.
What I needed in actuality was relief, release from the commitment to fulfill that position, as shift leader. But, it took me another few years to make it manifest.
My body, my nervous system, my spirit paid a toll.
There are some days I wake up angry, or sad, regretting yesterday. Some days, the slightest comment misconstrued can send me into a guilt spiral that spans my entire lifetime.
What do you do when you don’t know what to do anymore?
Just breathe.
Just sit.
Just cry.
Just be.
Just sway.
Just sing.
Just keep breathing.
*Golden Chain: the link of teachers throughout time, the carrying of the knowledge of yoga through teaching
Thus Spake Maek
Oct. 26, 2020
Maek Modica has been teaching yoga since 2011 and is certified as a Teacher of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan and Radiant Child Yoga.
Change as a support of stability?
I was not expecting that.
tarot cards, sprawled for the picking :-)
{Insert witty modern expletive here, or make up one}. I was so spiritually thrown the other day, while reading a tarot casting I laid for myself, I had to reconvene afterwards (a la Humpty D.). Now, after years of dancing with Kundalini yoga, I finally feel that I am married to the path of practice. And at this point in my life, I intend each day to have fun incorporating all things yogic into other arenas and layers of living.
I sometimes use tarot as a plane of sorts, that inspires and informs visual mediations and intentional prayers, or another kind of meditation if you will. And there I was, just reading my casting as usual when I came across a phrase in the literature that “struck” me. When I say struck, I mean I felt as if the integration of my consciousness of the meaning and depth of the phrase “change as the support of stability," felt like I was the strings and fingerings of a D chord (my favorite) being strummed on a concert guitar with seraphic intent. Actually, more like a medieval harp being plucked by a well-worn matron of the arts. My very being sung. And I could sense it.
We intuitively know and are scholastically reinforced to think that change is good: we should evolve when we learn, it’s better that way. And when we structure our society to value this mantra, the church bells chime to a degree.
I, once, often embraced change with a good attitude. My professional career is diverse and lends to a variety of acute senses, alertnesses. I used to find it easy to walk into a novel experience and adapt quickly, or shift to an incognito mode without major detection. These days, “change” has a new connotation. And crowds are to be avoided. It’s too expensive an effort to have to shield myself so heavily, while navigating possibly new and socially treacherous terrain. Nope. “I’ll pass” is what spirit offers these days. I am very aware of the toll of the stresses and traumas in my life. They have transformed my interests, talents, career, and nature, in a way.
I can clearly envision the vectors in my present life where change bolsters stability. And yet, I can become quite uncomfortable at the thought. The memories of what I consider the “ramifications of change," are too fresh and painful to really swallow in large bites.
There are eras of my life that I consider to be unstable. And in that time, I attributed “change, upheaval, swift decisions” as the culprits of my suffering. In retrospect, “change” sometimes feels like a dirty thing. It’s mixed with the regret of the destructive power of self-sabotage and total shut-downs.
Yet, the tarot literature, or the ideas from it anyway, are captivating. Maybe I can use the kinetic aspect of my psychospiritual response as fuel for something beautiful?
Thus Spake Maek
Oct. 24, 2020
I sometimes use tarot as a plane of sorts, that inspires and informs visual mediations and intentional prayers, or another kind of meditation if you will. And there I was, just reading my casting as usual when I came across a phrase in the literature that “struck” me. When I say struck, I mean I felt as if the integration of my consciousness of the meaning and depth of the phrase “change as the support of stability," felt like I was the strings and fingerings of a D chord (my favorite) being strummed on a concert guitar with seraphic intent. Actually, more like a medieval harp being plucked by a well-worn matron of the arts. My very being sung. And I could sense it.
We intuitively know and are scholastically reinforced to think that change is good: we should evolve when we learn, it’s better that way. And when we structure our society to value this mantra, the church bells chime to a degree.
I, once, often embraced change with a good attitude. My professional career is diverse and lends to a variety of acute senses, alertnesses. I used to find it easy to walk into a novel experience and adapt quickly, or shift to an incognito mode without major detection. These days, “change” has a new connotation. And crowds are to be avoided. It’s too expensive an effort to have to shield myself so heavily, while navigating possibly new and socially treacherous terrain. Nope. “I’ll pass” is what spirit offers these days. I am very aware of the toll of the stresses and traumas in my life. They have transformed my interests, talents, career, and nature, in a way.
I can clearly envision the vectors in my present life where change bolsters stability. And yet, I can become quite uncomfortable at the thought. The memories of what I consider the “ramifications of change," are too fresh and painful to really swallow in large bites.
There are eras of my life that I consider to be unstable. And in that time, I attributed “change, upheaval, swift decisions” as the culprits of my suffering. In retrospect, “change” sometimes feels like a dirty thing. It’s mixed with the regret of the destructive power of self-sabotage and total shut-downs.
Yet, the tarot literature, or the ideas from it anyway, are captivating. Maybe I can use the kinetic aspect of my psychospiritual response as fuel for something beautiful?
Thus Spake Maek
Oct. 24, 2020
Maek Modica has been teaching yoga since 2011 and is certified as a Teacher of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan and Radiant Child Yoga.
Find out more or share a practice on Fridays @ 9:30am (starting Oct. 30, 2020)
Find out more or share a practice on Fridays @ 9:30am (starting Oct. 30, 2020)
T'was a somewhat difficult but majestic time vending food in Utopia, TX.
Check out my culinary endeavors!
Check out my culinary endeavors!
Maek Modica has been teaching yoga since 2011 and is certified as a Teacher of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan and Radiant Child Yoga.
Fire Fed Fire
a poetic contemplation on the joys of musicality
"Your hand touching mine, this is how galaxies collide." Sanobar Khan
a way to look at shuniya, if you will
At once, with a note composed of brilliant shappiren chord, fire fed fire.
And this time, I won’t stop it.
Oh. One whose been with water this whole of life,
Worshipping wet earth ready to sway into being.
One breath would make it so.
One word. A light. A sound.
Hold fast but blink first for the rush will exhilarate.
With time, moves of cringe and drumpf become supple jumps,
And the rest is history.
Suddenly, your heart has a language inspiring enough to speak.
And like lock and key, outpourth thee!
Then, the very first ideas, mere fragile wisps, frame an imperious contraption of thought.
If given fuel, it could set to calculating a magnificent chorus.
But what does it want?
To be heard. To sprawl and reach. To be wrangled as a wily sheep in the pasture.
Like life, it has meaning but of what we give to it.
Any chord can be music but with no soul no one will feel a thing.
Dr. Marley knew what we mean.
Man hears his heart in a song, each beat a glimpse of what animates.
Thus Spake Maek , Oct. 22. 2020
And this time, I won’t stop it.
Oh. One whose been with water this whole of life,
Worshipping wet earth ready to sway into being.
One breath would make it so.
One word. A light. A sound.
Hold fast but blink first for the rush will exhilarate.
With time, moves of cringe and drumpf become supple jumps,
And the rest is history.
Suddenly, your heart has a language inspiring enough to speak.
And like lock and key, outpourth thee!
Then, the very first ideas, mere fragile wisps, frame an imperious contraption of thought.
If given fuel, it could set to calculating a magnificent chorus.
But what does it want?
To be heard. To sprawl and reach. To be wrangled as a wily sheep in the pasture.
Like life, it has meaning but of what we give to it.
Any chord can be music but with no soul no one will feel a thing.
Dr. Marley knew what we mean.
Man hears his heart in a song, each beat a glimpse of what animates.
Thus Spake Maek , Oct. 22. 2020
Sincerest apologies!
Learning much in a time of change, transformation, reinvention.
tundra, Colorado, Rocky Mountain National Park by Maek Modica Oct. 20, 2020
Well, I had every intention of hosting a yoga workshop the weekend of the 10th of October. The venue is quite breathtaking- Lotus Bend Sanctuary in Manchaca, TX. I had enthusiasm for the content, crafted almost entirely myself. I had been fairly well prepared- had been practicing the techniques and sets I had selected to share with people. It felt like I was ready, but life really does have it’s way.
In recent months, I’ve learned to play “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac on guitar. I’m really getting into singing it out at this point too. And now, I can’t help but see life through it’s lens a bit. It really felt like I was seeing a pristine reflection in snow capped hills, at least for the first time in 2020 anyway. It’s been a rough go, as many I’m sure can attest. But, as the famous lyrics entail, it’s good and gravy “‘til the landslide brought me down.” I bit off a wee bit more than I could chew in this moment of 2020. I paid for it too. It really took these two weeks to feel even partially recovered from the ramifications of what was to be a complete over-extension, professionally. Excuses aside, I remain a constant student of this life. As Brene Brown says, “I’m here to get it right not to be right.”
Despite no one asking for it, and no real obligation to do, I apologize, to anyone who has ever disappointed another and felt shame and resentment toward themselves. I apologize to myself for not living up to a self-made standard. I also see this as an opportunity and fuel to apply what I’ve learned to future potential successes. More to come but the sky’s the limit people.
Many blessings,
Thus Spake Maek
Oct. 20, 2020
Maek Modica has been teaching yoga since 2011 and is certified as a Teacher of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan and Radiant Child Yoga.
Maek Modica
Maek lives in Austin, TX and has been teaching yoga since 2011.
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